I Gave Leak-Free Underwear A Crack And These Are All My Thoughts
Hello, my name is Vanessa and I like to write about all the things. You’ll find me creating anything from super nerdy SEO & digital marketing stuff to articles on my life-long dream of owning a goat, or my thoughts on the time I found my ex in gay porn. Consistency is for suckers! But what my favourite thing to do is receive products and write about them. Because free stuff rules. So I was beyond excited when my client Bambody sent me a number of their leak-free underwear to test. I had many thoughts.
Leak-free underwear is interesting to me because I am a vagina owner who suffers problems to do with severe endometriosis. Not only do I get periods that hurt so much I’d give away my firstborn kid in exchange to never having to experience them again (relax, I’m referring to kid goats. I wouldn’t give away an actual baby. I’d never have an actual baby to give away. That’s gross.) It also makes me look like I’m 6 months pregnant on any given day and I experience excessive bleeding or random spotting at any given time.
Yep. Just when I think shark week’s finally over and it’s safe to go out in white pants and find someone to do the “no-pants dance” with. Wham. It’s back again. It is the sole reason I’ve given up on men and nothing to do with my “personality” or rumours “I’m difficult to date”. Needless to say, I go through an excessive amount of period products, which is costly, and quite frankly, annoying. If there’s any other options I’m down. Anyway, I received my package from Bambody and here are my thoughts test-driving these products.
- The mail’s here and there’s a package. I love packages. I especially love those packages I receive after drunk online shopping because who knows what they are? It could be anything from a case for my phone or a wall decal of senior citizens in a golf cart. Yes, my flatmates think I’m weird and have questions. But most people think I’m weird and have questions, so it’s fine.
- Oh no, wait. It’s my Bambody underwear. 10 pairs of Bambody underwear. This is so much underwear. I’ll never have to buy underwear again. After discovering my ex in gay porn as discussed above, this is the second-best day of my life so far.
- Hmmmmmmmmmmmm who would have thought you could get so many shapes and styles of this type of underwear? There are hipster styles, there’s your standard brief. There are plain back pairs and different coloured pairs. There’s sexy lacy numbers or sensible high waste pairs. Variety’s the spice of life! Well, variety is the spice of someone else’s life. Imma stick to the sensible high-waisters under trackie pants I’ve worn for six days straight because what the hell are people wearing jeans in isolation trying to prove anyway?
- Not to be even weirder than I am generally, but is it strange I kind of expected leak-free underwear to be more like a big padded diaper? One of those adult diaper things just in underwear form? I mean, to look at you wouldn’t notice the difference between these or any other type of underwear. That’s wild. Not as wild as the fact half the word is addicted to the story of a gay gun-totting large cat owner on meth, who tried to get his nemesis killed, but still.
- The hipster styles remind me of either Bond’s underwear or Calvin Klein. They pass my “to look at test” with flying colours. Which doesn’t say much because so did most of the guys I’ve been with that I’ve also let down in the same places, and I don’t need to tell you how they worked out. What can I say? I’m a work in progress.
- After putting my greasy hands all over these bad boys, I can honestly say they feel similar to most other fabric underwear. The only difference is in the crotch of these they are slightly more “padded” than normal undies. It’s nothing like the feeling of an actual pad, and this is rad (yes, I’m a poet), because whenever I’m wearing one, I’m that self-conscious I might as well wear a sign around my neck saying “There’s a current crime scene in my panties” and be done with it.
- Apparently, this comes from the bamboo fabric made from plantations in Southern China. This makes them surprisingly smooth and soft. They are also highly breathable, and can wick away sweat 400% faster than cotton. Yes, that was my sales pitch because they pay me to write good things, but also, I’m not backward in coming forward. If they were shit, I’d say so.
- Time to try these bad boys on. Size-wise I’m normally a size 8, so I requested extra small. The size is consistent across all the different styles, which is rare as, considering most female sizing seems to depend on the phases of the moon, your star sign and whether you’ve looked at a chicken recently; and makes just as much sense. Nice!
- After trying every single pair on, comfort-wise all the leak-free underwear styles feel the same. You can feel that they are different than normal underwear, mainly just a slightly “thicker” feeling around the crotch. But it’s not uncomfortable. Maybe slightly heavier? I can’t see them under pants, skirts or tight leggings, and I got in some weird positions in front of the mirror to check all angles. Yes, a flatmate walked by. They don’t even bother shaking their head these days.
- Do you know what is freaking great about these? Not having to deal with the whole “What the hell do I do with my used tampon or pad situation” when you’re at someone else’s house. Especially a man’s house, because, God bless their cotton socks. They do not have a clue when it comes to providing bin options in the bathroom. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but this has been a huge problem in my life.
Do they work? Yes. This article took longer to write then I was planning, but that’s mainly to do with the fact that my periods are batshit crazy and sometimes happen once a month, or once a year. The surprise element is part of the fun. That’s a lie. It’s about as fun as listening to my white Australian ex try and rap when he’s drunk and praying he’d never release it on Youtube so I didn’t have to change my identity and move to Cuba in shame. But you get it.
These were good for me because I treated them as normal underwear and they worked as normal underwear. Even when I had a few days of really spotting, to a full-on massacre during the crimson tide. I felt comfortable and not self-conscious when this was happening, even when I left the house to panic buy bottles of tequila three times in one day. If you are looking for period protection different to the rest, why not give it a try? Click here to purchase a pair today.